One Year

One year a go today was  Day 1.  I cannot believe how far I have come in one year.  It some ways it seems hard to fathom I was living the way I was.  It feels like the part that was awful is now just a bad dream.

I think for me the worst part was the obsession.  I would wake up and assess how I felt - how much was I up in the night full of anxiety, how much did I drink (was I able to control it and just have 2 glasses, an entire bottle or a glass or 2 in addition to the bottle?), can I remember going to bed?, conversations I had?  What did I eat?   Once I had a sense of what I was dealing with I thought about what I had to do that day.  Could I go back to bed if I was miserable?  Did I have to drive the kids in the evening?  How did that affect when I could have my wine?  Planning, planning, planning when I could drink wine and go in my cocoon.  How much were my responsibilities going to interfere with my time to self sooth?

I don't even like to think back to it anymore.  I just …

Women In Recovery, One Photo at a Time

I wanted to make sure you all saw this amazing piece in the New York Times.  This wonderful woman, Rocio De Alba who is in in recovery uses her photography skills to tell the tale of other women in recovery.

She says, "I conducted interviews of fellow “sisters” who believed in my objective (sober life) but, most importantly, live a fulfilling, productive life regardless of economic status, race, age or sexual orientation. The only criterion was they had to be sober for 10 years or more. It seems an independent yet miraculous transformation occurs within each woman during that time period. Not everyone reaches this milestone, and even if they do, without constant vigilance a relapse is almost inevitable — in fact, some of my subjects experienced repeated relapses and near-death experiences before they found solace in recovery.

During our photo session my main focus is for my subject to fully comprehend my intentions, which are to celebrate her and bring social awareness to the fact …

Are Women At Increasing Risk Of Addiction?

Good morning.  I just read an article I have to share from the Washington Post.  The paper is my new favorite and I have recently subscribed on-line to keep up to date on the latest political news.  

This article however is on women and drinking. "Are Women At Increasing Risk of Addiction?"   I would certainly argue yes.  As I have become aware of addictive behaviors and educated myself I find I can spot it in others.  It makes me sad - it happens to great people!  I keep my thoughts to myself and the only effort I make is to try to model happiness and contentment in drinking situations by NOT drinking. 

Many of us can certainly relate to and experienced the following:

 “women report depression and anxiety twice as much as men, and . . . depression and anxiety are often comorbid with addictions.” Furthermore, among women who drink, “alcohol use tends to escalate more quickly than with men” — what doctors call a “telescoping effect.”    The main problem with women drinking like m…

The Telomere Effect

Since quitting drinking I have embraced self care.  Prior I was an over extended, working mother who always put herself last.  I felt guilty doing anything for myself and due to a crazy, overpacked schedule even found going to the hairdresser just another burden.

However when I decided I needed to quit drinking, I learn from the on-line community pretty quickly that one of the keys is taking care of yourself, and I have embraced that in the past year.  I completely simplified my life and cut it down to what I needed to do - which included quitting work.  My priorities became take care of the kids, keep on top of school and sports schedules, work out, make dinner each night and don't drink.  So as the year went on I mastered all of those things.

I have slowly started adding things to my life and since last November have been taking project based consulting work which is turning into 3-days a week, part time work for a firm.  But I am mindful of protecting my focus on my children, e…

Back to the Real World

As luck would have it my first work trip is to Las Vegas.  I was nervous about the week because Vegas in fueled by alcohol.  I have many memories of good times in Vegas and it is easy to feel left out or "maybe I can just have one drink in Vegas, or maybe......  "

But the last time I was here for work I drank too much and it was kind of sad.  I was exhausted and trying to make it through each day with no real interest in my work.  I was more interested during the day in going to the pool where I could rest, put on my big sun hat to hid and have a drink.   I spilled some white wine on the carpet of my hotel room (nightcap by myself because of course one more was a good idea) and I felt bad about the carpet but mostly I was sad I spilled the last of the wine.  It was one of those weeks when I knew things were going to have to change but I felt trapped, out of control and I didn't know how to help myself.

This trip I haven't had a drink in about 295 days and although th…

9 Months

Today is 9 months for me.  I am noticing I am becoming calmer,  more confident in myself and more comfortable with my emotions.  My mood is not fluctuating like it was in the first 6 months.  I found myself slow, unmotivated, unsure of what I wanted and where I was going.  I am still not completely sure what I want and where I am going but I am more at peace with it.  It will unfold and for the first time in my life I am not pushing, pushing, pushing to get accomplish things.  I only push to meal plan, exercise and do laundry these days!

I accepted a part time, work from home job where I am doing market research and consulting.  It allows me to be home with the kids and avoid the NYC commute which is such a bear.  A former CMO called me and asked me to work for her.  Next year she is going to retire and I will have to take over the team but I will cross that bridge next January.  That will mean full time but it will still be from home - except when we deliver projects to clients, or I…

Sobriety is a Keystone Habit of the Healthy

So many bloggers have done wonderful outreaches to those that are trying to quit drinking January 1 for New Years.  I love the leadership the long term sober bloggers provide to those who are just starting out with a message of encouragement and hope. The vision of a better life was critical for me in the early days as well as the understanding that there were people "just like me" out there who have made it through to the other side and are happier for it.  That vision of hope has been a guiding light to me in my journey.

Since I am still relatively new to the soberspere, but in an effort to contribute in someway to the community, my thoughts are focused on good health and finding peace in the decision to not drink for the long term.  In the beginning, not thinking about the long term is critical, yet as one progresses with sobriety one must come to terms with the future.

My goal in 2017 is to transform my myself from someone who was not taking very good care of herself in…